20 Questions to Ask Your Partner Instead of “How Was Your Day?”

“How was your day?” “Fine.” “Yours?” “Fine.”

We ask it every evening and almost never get an answer. It's too big. Nobody can sum up a day in a sentence when they're tired, so they don't try.

Smaller, stranger questions work better. Here are twenty. Don't use them like a quiz. Pick one, ask it while you're cooking or walking, and see where it goes.

Light ones

• What made you laugh today, even a little?
• What did you eat today that you'd eat again?
• What was the most annoying thing that happened, in one word?
• Who did you talk to today that you liked?
• What song has been stuck in your head?

Curious ones

• What did you learn today that you didn't know this morning?
• What are you looking forward to this week?
• Is there something you're working on that I don't know about?
• What would you do tomorrow if you didn't have to work?
• What's something you've changed your mind about recently?

Deeper ones

• What's been weighing on you that you haven't said?
• When did you last feel really proud of yourself?
• Is there anything you need from me that you're not getting?
• What do you miss from before we had our child?
• What's one thing you'd like us to do more often?

Strange ones

• If today had a colour, what would it be?
• What would ten-year-old you think of your day?
• Which part of today would you happily repeat?
• If you could skip one thing tomorrow, what would it be?
• What's a small thing I did lately that you noticed?

The question matters less than the listening. Ask, then wait longer than feels comfortable.

When Did We Stop Asking Each Other Real Questions?